The girl behind the blog...

Hi honey! I would like to start off by saying, "THANK YOU!" for taking the time out to stop by & view my blog. It is greatly appreciated because this is something new & different for me. Today, I would love to give you all a little information about the girl behind the blog. So meet April Latrell...

Born in Fayetteville, NC on January 29,1990. (Team #AQUARIUS.) I was born to parents whom I do not know. Four months later, I was adopted by a family who already had 3 boys but wanted a little girl. So they drove all the way from a little town, called Vanceboro to get 

 this little girl who's name at the time was "Wendy Wright."

4 months old

 They took me home & nourished me into the young woman I am today! For that I am forever grateful for them because I am who I am because of them & the things in life that have shaped me. I bless GOD because I have two parents who are still alive & well to this day. & I now have 4 brothers. The 4th, a little brother in which they adopted just like me! 

Growing up being the only girl wasn't always fun. Especially living with "older parents." (I'm 23 & my parents are in their late 60's.) So growing up, I felt sheltered & on "lockdown" as the crowd would say! I wasn't allowed to talk on the phone with boys, stay at my friends' house or go to the games at school. I felt like I couldn't do ANYTHING (literally). I was always spoiled but to me that wasn't enough. Especially when I was in middle school, I wanted to do what the rest of my friends were doing. Of course, somehow I tried to still find a way, by sneaking on the phone which later turned into me sneaking out the house eventually...(we'll get there soon.) The once so sweet & innocent little girl everyone knew of was now turning into a rebel & a little demon child. (inserts evil face)

8th grade graduation

The summer before my freshman year in high school (the same day as my 8th grade graduation) was the 1st night I took matters into my own hands to experience life. Boy, if I would've known then what I know now. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!!! That night, me & a neighbor of mines who was a year younger than me decided to sneak out of the house late one night & go to a friends' house. (A man friend..he was 18 & I was 14 at the time). Now my friend, she put me on to the game because she wasn't new to this but true to this. "This is what she did" (in my Flocka voice). So it was nothing for her to sneak out & teach me her tricks. I will NEVER forget that night. I went out like a "G" but I was so scared I was gonna caught. I went out anyway & that was the night that I lost my virginity. At the tender age of 14, my innocence, self-worth, & value were gone in ONE NIGHT! 

Of course, I kept seeing this guy who I thought I was "SO IN LOVE" with! Not knowing that I didn't have the slightest clue of what love really was. We talked & still saw each other up until one terrible night! Me & my friend snuck out as usual but this time we didn't know that her older brother was watching us as we left. So when we came back that night before we could even pull up in the driveway, the windows of the car we were in were being smashed out with a bat. The driver of the car which was the guy I was talking to speed off in shock! Me & my friend already knowing what was going on were scared as well & felt bad because that night "my guy" was actually driving his sister's car & not his own. Of course, he didn't want to go back to drop us off so he told us to get out where we were. Which wasn't too far from our houses but us being too terrified to walk straight on the street to get home, we ran thru the WOODS! Now me being sheltered all of my life, girl lived by the woods but had never been in them. So that was a whole other experience right there in itself. I remember I had on my favorite black skirt that night & a burgundy long sleeved shirt that was ruffled at the bottom, and some bedroom shoes. "RATCHETT' (But I just knew I was cute when I left out that night.) When we finally made it to my house, my friend went her separate way & I had to face fate. Unfortunately, it was meant for me to get caught that night because my parents were awoke this morning when I got home. My dad had to be to work at 6 so my mom was up cooking him breakfast as she did every morning. I walked in the house & they were shocked of course wondering why I was coming in the house this late. My lie & excuse was that I had went outside to get some fresh air. REALLY, APRIL! But they knew that was a lie by what I had on & the blood on my leg. I hadn't even noticed that my travel in the woods had left me scratched all up (smh). So then you know it was time for the interrogation. They sat me down & proceeded to ask me questions but I still continued to tell my story which was a BIG DUMB LIE! I didn't have to lie anymore tho, when I heard a knock at my front door. It was my friend's brother who had caught us!!! GREEEEAAAATTTTT! I thought..it's about to go down! He came in & explained to my parents what had happened & left. I already knew it was bound to happen but I don't think I was ready (as Kevin Hart would say). ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE that morning & I honestly just felt like I wanted to die. I had received beatings before but this time was different. My dad actually took his fist & hit me in my back. Now I was a skinny thing back then so that hurt a little chick like me! Of course, I was on punishment after that. They threatened to put the boy in jail & just in case I was pregnant I was given the "Plan B pill" and was put on birth control. Life for me had already started changing but life after that was really about to change.

 

Sweet 16 Birthday Party

 So now that I've been introduced to sex, I've been introduced to older guys..hey when I got in high school it was time to make time fly! Boys were my things! I liked boys! They made me feel good about being me. I didn't really have low self-esteem but I thought having a boyfriend "made" ME. So when I meet another guy who was a little older, had a car, & went to a different school than me...you darn tooting I was "on it." I liked him, he liked me so of course to me that meant, "Okay, let's have sex!" Who would've that at the age of 16 little April, "Hattie Mae Peterson's" daughter would be pregnant! I know I NEVER would've imagined that in a thousand years but it happened! Here I was 16 years old..PREGNANT! When I told my mom, I really thought she was gonna take it worse than she did but she was calm for the most part, her & my dad! (SHOCKING) I guess they were so calm because they already had the plan mapped out for what they would do if this happened. It wasn't a choice I made but I choice that I felt at the time I had NO choice but to go along with, which was to get an abortion. At the time, a childhood friend of the family was living with us & she helped my mom make the arrangements. I really didn't know at the time what abortions were about or exactly what the word meant..I kinda just knew that I was getting rid of the baby. I told the child's father & he acted as if he was upset but I really can't say if he really was or not because in the midst of all of this he was seeing another girl who he ended up getting pregnant as well! That ride to Jacksonville was quiet & lonely. I remember me thinking, "I can't believe I'm having to do this." We got there, I went in & filled out the paperwork and sat & waited to go in the back. The childhood friend was there & she was just asking me, "Was I okay?" Of course, I said, "Yes." Because at the time, I thought I was "okay." When it was finally my turn, I just remember laying on the table looking at the ceiling at these butterflies & flowers someone had decided to put there. Going thru the procedure, I really can't say it hurt then but when I got home that's when I felt the aftermath of the pain. Me & that guy ended things not too long after my procedure was done because I found out about this other girl who like I said later on told me that she was pregnant.

2010

So now I've been thru this traumatic thing in my life but for some reason I felt "unaffected" by what had taken place. By this time tho, I'm experimenting with drugs & learning about alcohol and seeing all of my friends be about that life as well. I had already started smoking weed at the age of 16. But I didn't start drinking until about 17. After going thru this horrible experience & the bad break-up afterwards I just wanted to be loved. It felt every person I loved didn't really love me. So in October 2006, I started a relationship with a guy who I gave 5 years of my life to. What I loved about him was that I felt like he was so real. & he was my friend before we became lovers. We talked & talked about EVERYTHING! & October 15 we made it official! By this time, my mother was probably tired of me because I was able to go chill with my bf at his sister's house and she would let us come & go freely. (WINNING!) We would get high together ALL THE TIME & I would be around his family, who seemed to love me to death. We would baby-sit his twin niece & nephew and it seemed like my parents liked him too! It seemed like everything was going just right huh?! WRONG!!! Me & him were both living secrets lives! We went to different schools so it was easy for us to have side pieces! The difference between me & him was all his girls knew about me so they would question me ALL THE TIME & I would give them an answer! (That they didn't like) & after I would confront him..I would end up still messing with him because it didn't matter to me if he did him because I was doing me! What amazes me is that I never got caught! NEVER! If I got caught, it's because I told on myself. I had several different partners while me & him was together in the course of the 5 years but he never knew. We were off & on the entire relationship up until about 2008 when I finally decided I was tired of playing games & I really wanted to be with him. I was tired of the girls & all the other guys so I was like, "Okay for real, for real let's be official!" It seemed like the moment that happened our relationship did a 360 for the worst. (sounds CRAZY...I KNOW) One day after hanging out with one of my homegirls at her house, I met up with my boo in Trent Court. Now, let me tell you...I WAS DRUNK! Me & my friend had been drinking all that day (literally). It was a summer day so why not?! Now, when I got with him he's already mad because I'm drunk, I had been hanging with my friend all day long (he didn't like her) & he was mad at what I had on. (I had on some cut off shorts, a halter top, & my high top Converses..I was cuteee!) Nevertheless, I'm drunk so I'm brushing his anger off..I wanted some loving! But the more he kept trying to argue with me, the more the alcohol was telling me to leave! By this time, it starts raining but me being drunk & mad, I didn't care I just started walking back to my friend's house. Meanwhile, he's walking behind me PISSED because we were both walking in the rain & his cousin was going to give me a ride but I refused. (I was crazy) So while we are walking down this one street, there's some guys out there they knew me & my boyfriend. I was walking ahead of him so when I walked by I guess they were saying things that my boyfriend didn't like. But his anger already being towards me, he got even madder & when we got to my friend's house he started to fight me! I couldn't believe it!!! He had punched me in my back, slapped me in my face, broke my glasses, & walked off like he didn't care! I really was like messed up emotionally behind it. When my friends heard what happened we went back to Trent Court & tried to fight him. Emotions being every where & not wanting anybody to get in trouble over me..we ended up just going back to her house. I was so hurt. I couldn't believe that HE had did that to me. After being together for 2 years by this time, I NEVER would've imagined that to happen. & that was the first time that a man had ever laid his hands on me too besides my father, you know! So that night I was calling him & calling him (yes, you read it correctly!) trying to figure out WHY?! I wanted an explanation for WHY he had hit me! WHY he had hurt me! Why he had acted like he didn't even care! I was confused! I didn't know what to think or what to do. I LOVED HIM I thought...which is why I still stayed. When they say, "What you ALLOW is what will CONTINUE." It is so very TRUE! Because I ALLOWED that behavior to go on that night it continued throughout the relationship & even resulted in me losing a baby! Because we fought & I drank & I smoked & I partied..I didn't have a clue that a child was growing in the inside of me! I was just living! My life was really out of control! The only constant in my life was him! I was basically living with him by now because I never wanted to be home. I didn't want to hear what my mom had to say. I just wanted to live life on my own terms. So on January 27, 2011 (2 days before my 21st birthday) I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't believe it. When I told my boyfriend he said, "He already knew because you were acting crazy." I told my parents & my mom was so happy! She went out & bought a crib and was planning to have a little grandbaby! All of that was short lived because on February 10,2011 I miscarried on my bathroom floor! O God, a night that I will never forget, a pain that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy! It hurt physically & emotionally in every possible way. But as always, I picked up & carried on. 

March 2011

Me & him stayed together for about 3 more months until he put his hands on me for the last time in May 2011. This time all it took was a "mush" to the face for me to say, "I'M DONE!" So by this time, WOW! I have changed so much! For better & for worse. I had a new look (I had cut my hair) I was gaining weight & wearing it well! I was in college at Miller-Motte in Greenville, NC for Dental Assisting. Things seemed to be looking up..(seemed). On the outside everything looked good but on the inside I was a mess! I had lost all sense of who I was, my value, my worth, my morals, my pride, & everything! WHO WAS I? I wasn't raised to be that way! I wasn't taught to let men treat me any kind of way! & I definitely wasn't raised to be promiscuous! I needed something & I needed it fast! Drugs & alcohol weren't suppressing the pain good enough..I needed MORE! Now I have been raised in the church but once I became a teenager church wasn't my "thing" anymore. Growing up, my mother made me go to church. But when I became an adult, it became a free-will. So one day, I decided to go to church! This was right after the break-up so of course I was still hurting inside. I sat in church & I just cried! I cried during prayer, I cried during the songs, I cried during the word! I just cried out to GOD that day & during the alter call..I cried my way up to the alter & gave my life to CHRIST! Whewwww...things were supposed to get easier now right?! SIKE! Now let me say, once I gave my life to Christ I was still very much in the world. I still smoked, drinked, clubbed & partied. So GOD wasn't a big part of my life..He was just there! 

May 2011

 "I'm single again, back on the prowl. I thought it was perfect & I don't know how." What, What Go April, Go April! LOL! But seriously, that's how I felt! OMG! SINGLE, ME! I didn't even know what that meant! Being in a relationship for almost 5 years..child, I wanted to breath like never before! Coming out of the relationship, I'm thinking okay..I'm going to just DO ME! NO boyfriends NO strings attached! HA! Now, let me say me & my ex were still cool! I thought maybeeee..we could get back together, ONE DAY! But when I met that tall, cool, brown skinned dude in the Trent Court store on that October day..I was like hmmm...okay! Now being that I was sooooo used to my ex, I was REAL skeptical about talking to somebody else. I didn't really want another boyfriend but at the same time if I was gonna be talking to someone new, I didn't want to waste my time. (if that makes sense) So man, I remember the first night me & dude talked on the phone..he made me smile the whole night! I guess because I hadn't talked to anybody new in awhile, it was just "SOMETHING" about him that had me interested! We would talk every once in awhile & I chilled with him a couple of times after work but it was nothing major in the beginning. So after chilling & talking for some time we decided to start a relationship! (hits self in the head) He had that "talk game" for the girl! He knew my last situation & he PROMISED me that he would never put his hands on me & that I would never have to worry about that! So of course, he had me hooked. & then once we had sex...sorry but OMG! It was something about his sex that had me really gone crazy! He was older than me & I guess that may have had something to do with it but I don't know..he just turned me ON! It didn't take very long for me to be introduced to the family & for me to start staying his house. Now, he was a drinker & party goer so he was def. my kind of dude. One night tho, after leaving the club I was looking for some weed & he told me about this guy he knew. So HE took me to go meet the dude & when I meet him, the dude was asking me for my number & stuff. Now me, not really thinking too much about it, I gave it to him. So when I get back to the car, dude is like, "Why you take so long?" & all this other stuff. So I'm trying to explain myself & the next thing I know, I'm getting my head smacked! WOW!!! Here we go AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really, April! (It's like I was always fighting!!! & I've never really been a fighter, at that time I had only fought 2 girls in my whole life so I didn't understand WHY I was CONSTANTLY fighting dudes!) So here we are fighting, he's driving, I'm crying & in totally disbelief! So when we got to his house, I'm like, "Take me home!" in between tears! But he didn't..he sweet talked me, told me he was sorry, & would never do it again. Blah..Blahh..Blahhh all that other stuff! & me being me..I believed him (Yepppp, I did it again!) & we kept on with relationship as if it never happened. 

October 2011

I never have been a fake! Never pretended a whole lot about things. But after that incident, a faked a smile to everyone on the outside! You would have NEVER known (unless you were close to me) that this man was BEATING on me. I always say, me & my ex before him FOUGHT! A lot of times, I would throw the first punch at him but this guy BEAT ME! I mean, one day he got mad because I saw something in his phone & I said, I was leaving...he straight smashed a cup in my face (something I had done to my ex) hit me in my face, threw me down & kicked me, all while his friend was outside! I was supposed to go to work that day but he wouldn't let me! He took me to a park & basically told me to get myself together or we weren't going anywhere! HOW CRAZY?! Again, I stayed! Now, we know I drink..it's nothing! But I never drunk all the time, every weekend until I started dealing with this dude! He was an alcoholic & had a bottle every weekend. So when we were together, I would be drinking with him. I could handle my liquor to me seemed like better than him tho. One night, I remember us getting drunk at his house & we were just chilling watching a movie. I was playing on my phone & he was playing on his phone so everything was cool right?! Nahhh, I got a text message from my cousin & he automatically assumed it was from a dude. Being that this was not the first time something like this had happened, I automatically got aggravated & was like, "You can look at the phone stupid!" He did & when he gave it back to me instead of placing it in my hand, he launched the telephone at my head! So being that I had already been beaten a couple of times, I kinda already knew where this was headed. I tried to avoid it by going into the bathroom & loocking the door but he just kept saying, "Let me in!" So I did. He drug me out the bathroom & into his bedroom, where he punched me & hit me repeatedly in my face! He hit me extremely hard this time & I just knew something was wrong. I cried to him saying, "Why? Why do you keep hurting me? My face & my head is hurting!" Do you know that he actually laid beside hitting me in the same EXACT spot I was crying to him about! I wanted to die! How could you just hurt a person like that & not feel ANY remorse? He made me go to the store with him where he got me some ice to put on my face. We went back to his house & we went to sleep. What I woke up to the next morning is something that I will NEVER forget! He had BLACKED my eye & I had a busted blood vessel in it! 

October 2011

Out of all the times, I had gotten beat up or fought I have never had a black eye! This was a TRAUMATIC experience for me! Here I am, a beautiful girl walking around with a black eye! I went to work, school, clinicals & everywhere else with that same BLACK EYE! When I came home, my parents were pissed! My friends & what family that knew were PISSED! Everybody was pissed except April! Why wasn't I mad? Why wasn't I on a rampage to kill? Why didn't I want to hurt him back? I just couldn't even be mad at him! I stopped talking to him for a week! & was right back at it! He always knew what to say, how to say it, & when to say it! I felt bad for him more than I did for myself. I saw so much in him that it blinded me to the reality of what he was showing me. I wanted to believe that he loved me enough to change. That he loved me enough to WANT to do better. But that's where I messed up. He had to change for HIMSELF & not for ME! Which is why 9 days before my 22nd birthday he put his hands on me again but for the last time! This night was a night that I can't remember all the way but one that I won't forget. After still talking to him on & off after that last incident, one night I decided to go chill with him. (BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER) He had already been drinking & so before I got there I had got us a bottle & shot. He already had some alcohol so we were drinking all of that! While we are sitting across from each other, passing the bottle back & forth..he proceeds to tell me that he has a child on the way! WHAT?! A month prior to this, we both had just found out that he had a little girl! & that piece of news broke my heart! So to hear, that he got someone pregnant in the course of our little break up, I was devastated! How could he hurt me again? & then ask me to stay! I couldn't..& I told him that! I was just like, "I can't do this anymore!" Now what happened after that I honestly don't know! I remember his mom coming home & bringing us some food. I remember him saying something about going to Ihop. I remember going in the room for something. & I remember being in the Ihop bathroom crying while on the phone with him & him saying that, "I better come out the bathroom!" & I remember a table of people & me going to go sit over there with them! I was so drunk that night that I don't remember leaving Ihop, BEING beaten, WHY I was beaten, WHERE I was beaten, HOW I was beaten or anything. All I remember is getting up the next morning, hurting all over & blood being all over his cover. When I got up & went into the bathroom, I just burst out into tears! My face, my hair, & plus my body was in so much pain..all I could do was cry! His mother gave me a towel for my face & actually tried to console me but she couldn't help me! I went back into his room to look for my phone, I couldn't find anything! I lost jewelry, money, & some of everything that night. But I did find my phone. Before I found it tho, I tried to wake him up to ask him where it was & he actually tried to kick me! Man, I was ready to go! I didn't want my parents to come & get me tho because they had been told me that he was bound to put his hands on me again! They didn't want me around him period. So I tried to get in touch with my god-sister who came & got me. 

January 29,2012

This time I really was seeing that I couldn't do this anymore. It was time for me to get myself together. What was I doing with my life? For my birthday, I planned to go stay in Raleigh with one of my best friends. I had a new look. (I had to cut my hair because of the damage, he had caused) & I had decided that I wasn't going to not drink for awhile. For the next couple of months, I had contact with him a couple of times. Even chilled with him on some occasions but I always knew that it would never be the same. I was afraid to be around him & just couldn't stand to be around him when he was drinking. Even tho, I knew that we could never be together he was still back & forth and in & out of my life. By this time, I had re-connected with a friend of mine who had stopped talking to me because of him. She was in church & changing her life around. & I had started back trying to get my relationship with The Lord back. I went to her church one Sunday, & I just fell in love with it. & I knew I needed The Lord back in my life BADLY! I started going to church with her all the time & had found a hunger & desire for The Lord like never before. I had even thought about joining her church but her Pastor told me, "No, because this could only be for a season." Now I was still in the world because I was still drinking & stuff but this time no matter what was going on in my life, I knew I had a love for The Lord in my heart. I started doing things with the church & just being more active period. & after one drunken night in the club, that ended in me punching a girl in the face over my ex, I decided that I was gonna have to leave drinking alone because it wasn't for me.

December 30,2012

 So I brought in the New Year a New WAY..IN CHURCH! & I had such a good time. It was so refreshing & it felt so good! By February I had stopped smoking & was becoming free! Now after that incident in the club, me & my ex reconnected & had sex on my birthday. After that day tho, I was like, "Okay April, get your life!" I started a new job in March after going thru a silent challenge, where I disconnected from social media & really spent a lot of time with GOD! At the end of it I felt so good! I knew that I had grown so much in just a month. So every other month after that I began to consecrate myself. Now I've fallen some more since my birthday with my ex & even had a rendezvous with my ex before him. But GOD has really changed me! & I LOVE HIM so much for it because I think of how I could've lost my life, how I could've ended up dead & doing nothing! But because no matter how many times I failed him or disappointed him, He still had His eyes on me & loved ME enough to pick me up & help me turn my life around! & for that I am forever grateful! I know that everything that I went thru was not ABOUT ME! But to help some young woman, who is going thru or who has been thru what I've been thru & didn't or doesn't know how to deal! I have a story to tell & I want the world to hear it. I want to inspire, encourage, & push someone to keep going IN SPITE OF! I'm not perfect & GOD is still dealing with me on all types of levels. I recently just finished a class were I've finally dealt with my abortion after 7 years of trying to suppress the pain & memories from it. He is now dealing with me on my value & understanding my self-worth! & as I grow, I want someone to grow with me! This is the purpose of me writing this LONG post (for like 3 hours) & sharing some of me with you! I pray & hope that you'll stay tuned & stay around to experience this journey with me! Thanks for listening!


GOD BLESS!

MY STORY FOR HIS GLORY