For everything that didn't kill me it only made me stronger.
For me to find my purpose & passion...Yeah it took a lil longer
I traveled dangerous roads & saw scenery I wasn't meant to see
But it all worked itself out & created a better me ; A stronger version every crash i kept swerving
He kept serving His love, His favor, His grace even when I wasn't deserving
Even when I didn't want it but all these things I wanted
I just didn't want them right now & especially from Him
I thought that my way was the creme de la crème
I didn't want to follow peace instead I choose the chaos
Living in the fast lane not knowing I soon would be dropped off
Because they say "Love doesn't love nobody" but I'd like to change that word
It's the LUST in us for our own selfish desires that never showed us no love
Taking my eyes off of what's most important like my self, my dreams, my goals
While trying to find love in a world so cold
Who's intention was never to bring love in the beginning
We don't even belong here but we're inhabiting this place while living
While living some might say "Why am I dying to live when I'm just living to die?"
& I have to be honest & say the lyricist is right
But when you die to old stuff & bad behaviours that never really meant you any good
That's when you can start living the life that you really should
& yes we all know life & death play hand & hand
But so many of us are suicidal..we've got the gun in our own hands
We're killing ourselves mentally, spiritually, emotionally everyday
& we walk around so often like everything is okay
The wounds on the inside are the ones that hurt the most
The ones no one can see they're hidden like a ghost
Those are the pains that haunt us the most
so we run from what's inside unsure of how to really deal & cope
LET GO LET IT GO & LET GOD!
It's all so much easier said than done
But take it from experience surpressing inner pain has never helped anyone
Because one way, one day, or another you're inner self will explode
& who will be there to help you recover GOD! That's who the one who created you
Who tried to save you many times. Some of us just never knew
We never really realized the real lies we let in our lives
Believing we're underserving of truly living a better life
Believing that God's love is only for the good & not the bad
Believing everything but what His word says & His word says He knew me before He created me He knows the number of hairs on my head
I'm fearfully & wonderfully created in His image! No matter what the world says
No matter how many people try to judge me not knowing there's several levels to being me
They don't know there's a QUEEN inside someone you'll someday meet
There's a KING inside that I'll one day get to meet
As long as I allow Him to change & wash away all the filthy parts of me
All my selfish & fleshly desires that get in the way of where I can be
But trust I know where I'm going! See I was destined & purposed for this baby
See the minute you begin to understand who you are your very being
That's when your life will take a whole new meaning
You will no longer be impressed by the likes or fake love
The temporary love. The fake kisses & fake hugs
Because when you realize that even in your mess...Yasssss God was right there
He never let you go or die & sometimes I think it's unfair
How can He love me so much while I loved Him so little
He took lives younger than mines...hearts that were so fragile & so little
So many times I know I could've, would've, & HONESTLY should've died
But God spared my life too many times
He just wants me to get it right & I'm trying God!
I'm trying! It's different! This time around
The lessons have always made me stronger but I truly believe I'm walking on higher ground
Sometimes He'll move you by yourself to places unknown
Because He knows He needs your undivided attention He knows you need to be alone
& alone truly is something that we'll never be. Because the King of Kings lives deep inside You & Me!
So talk to Him today. Read His word! Hear what He has to say. & If you don't understand all you have to do is pray. PRAY! Prayer which is simply conversation.
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their nation.

2 Chronicles 7:14 Paraphrased

The Vessel.

VESSELS

There are many types of vessels as you can see in the photo above. Vessels are used on boats, in doctor offices, & even in humans. All these DIFFERENT TYPES of VESSELS ALL USED IN DIFFERENT PLACES BUT WITH ONE SOLE PURPOSE IN MIND! To carry, transport, or move something from one place to another. The vessels in our bodies are detrimental to our LIFE, them being the transporter of blood from our hearts all to our ENTIRE body..whom doesn't need VESSELS! & EVERY OTHER MEMBER OF THE BODY! (Somebody CATCH THAT!) That's why God needs us as vessels to be used in each other's life.

 "DESTROY THE VESSEL. DESTROY THE WORD"

"He can't destroy the word so he'll try to destroy the vessel that's sent to bring forth the word." words from my mentor & big cousin. The Word. A Word. A Word of Encouragement. A word of Love. A Word of Peace. A Word of Praise. The enemy had tried & was trying his very best to choke the Word out of me. Kill me by car accidents. Lock me up. Destroy my previous testimony. Kill me here so I wouldn't have one.

Kill the word. Steal the word. Destroy the words. Kill the sweet words that God & His people had spoken to me. He tried to steal MY words. My testimony. He tried to shut me up! He didn't want me to "EXPOSE" him or myself. 

He tried to destroy what God had spoken to me. The things that God had said about me & my life. But hahaha...God said, I came that she might have life. & have it more abundantly. John 10:10 So now I have LIFE.

I have My word's back because I know have God's word back. I have life because I invited God back into my life. & we know that God is THE WORD & THE WORD IS GOD.

Which makes sense as to why after 25 years of living I'm realizing that it's OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT. TO STAND ALONE. TO WALK ALONE. TO BE YOU! GOD created ME specifically this way for a reason. The Word & the world as close as they sound are far from being the same. The Word = LIFE & GOD He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him.( John 1:10-11 NKJV) So I have the Word. & I have God. But the Word says in the world God's OWN people didn't know God. How coincidental because in this world TODAY, I feel like MY OWN PEOPLE don't even know me.
& that's fine. It's okay because I'm honestly just getting to know me. & in that is knowing that when you are called to higher purposes & higher places there will be lots of unfamiliar & familiar faces. Some to cheer you on & some who would honestly rather see you off than on but that's where The Word steps in & gives life. It gives direction. It gives guidance. Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. (Psalms 119:105 NKJV)

& ooo how I need some light. The light of LIFE! I can truly say I've been in living in darkness for the larger part of my life & let's just say it hasn't been pretty. What's tougher is the adjustments that your eyes have to get used to after being in darkness for so long & then coming into the light. You're stunned because there's sooo much to be seen that you just couldn't see before. Why because you were in darkness! Your eyes see things different in darkness. I could only see a shadow of what was in store for my life. When with the light & in the light I can see the fullness of what's in store. Although, I can't see the entirety of the picture because I know the artist, the creater, the author of the beginning to the end I'm confident in my knowledge of His work that although the beginning has been shaky & rough...there will be no comparison to what we see in the end. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18 NKJV)

  THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF THE REBIRTH OF APRIL LATRELL